Valentine’s Day has a way of putting relationships under a spotlight. The messaging is always the same—love, commitment, “forever”—often expressed as dinners out, weekend getaways, gifts, and experiences that all come with a price tag. For those of us in Generation X, like my wife and me, this holiday doesn’t exist in isolation. It lands in the middle of busy lives already filled with financial responsibility.
I’m hoping Valentine’s Day spending isn’t a hot button issue in people’s lives, but it does speak to a broader issue of “where and how should we allocate our monthly income?” that many couples face, not just Gen X. However, I feel like Gen X is starting to feel more pressure on making those financial decisions, because retirement goals are looming large.
Many of you are in your peak earning years, but you’re also facing peak financial responsibility. Mortgages are probably not gone yet. College tuition is either on the horizon or already in progress. Aging parents may need financial or logistical support. Retirement, once abstract, is now close enough to require REAL planning, hopefully with a StrategicPoint advisor (click here!). Against that backdrop, a holiday that encourages discretionary spending for some relationships can feel less romantic and more revealing.
What Valentine’s Day tends to surface isn’t whether a couple can afford a dinner or a gift—it’s how financial decisions are made. Who sets the spending comfort level? Are expectations discussed in advance or assumed? Does one partner prioritize enjoying today, while the other is focused on protecting tomorrow? These differences often show up in small moments before they ever become big issues.
Why Money Feels So Personal—Especially for Gen X
Many couples brings a “money story” into their relationship, shaped by upbringing and experience. For Gen X, those stories often include economic uncertainty, shifting job markets, and learning financial independence earlier than younger generations.
Many of us had our relationship with money formed at that young age, and it was framed around some of these questions:
-When you were a kid, did money growing up feeling tight, unpredictable, or carefully managed?
-Was it openly discussed, or largely avoided by your parents
-Were financial mistakes treated as learning opportunities, or with criticism?
Over time, these experiences can harden into beliefs. It’s not unusual to have one partner view saving as a non-negotiable decision, while the other sees spending as a way to enjoy the present while it’s here. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong, but I do find that couples need to discuss it or frustration can build quickly.
Common Disagreements for Gen X Couples
For Gen X couples, money disagreements are rarely about irresponsibility. More often, they stem from competing priorities that are all reasonable: maintaining lifestyle, supporting family, managing risk, and still finding room for enjoyment. When those priorities aren’t clearly articulated, even minor spending decisions (even on Valentine’s Day gifts!) can create unnecessary tension.
These challenges are rarely about math alone. They’re about priorities and how each partner defines stability and success.
This is why Valentine’s Day can serve as a useful checkpoint rather than a pressure point. It’s an opportunity to step back and evaluate whether your financial habits still align with your shared goals. The systems you put in place years ago—how you budget, save, and spend—may need adjusting as circumstances change. That doesn’t signal a problem; it signals progress.
The Bottom Line
Money may be a part of many relationships, whether it’s discussed openly or not. Couples who are willing to talk about it—honestly and compassionately—aren’t just building healthier finances. They’re building a stronger partnership.
Because in the end, money isn’t just about what you earn or spend.
It’s about how you navigate life together.
Derek Amey serves as Managing Partner and CIO at StrategicPoint Investment Advisors in Providence and East Greenwich. You can e-mail him at damey@strategicpoint.com.
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